Crash Landing
by kepulver
Summary: [G1] Onslaught and Blast Off have a private brotherly chat about dignity, selfrespect and the laws of physics


**Crash Landing:**

"Onslaught, please remind me again why it is that you're our leader?" Blast Off asked as he struggled back to his feet.

"Because Megatron ordered it." Onslaught was close to growling with anger. "Because our original creator designed me for it, and even that pretender to the name Starscream acknowledged the rightness of it. And because I am a brilliant strategist!"

"Ahh," Blast Off stood, balancing gracefully on one foot as he dug mud out of his boosters with a stick. "So, crash-landing here in the middle of nowhere and auguring yourself into the ground, was that part of your brilliant strategy? Or just a happy coincidence?"

"You know it wasn't!" Onslaught snarled. He lay half on his side in tractor-trailer mode, buried almost completely in the earth. A long trench behind him showed where he'd bounced and skidded in, interring himself as he went. "I made an error in judgment, Blast Off. I'll thank you to watch your speech on the matter!"

"Oh please," Blast Off said, putting his hands on his hips. "What are you going to do? Squelch at me?"

"_Just get me out of here!_" Onslaught bellowed.

"Temper, temper," Blast Off said, moving to stand over Onslaught. "It's your own fault anyway, I told you the maneuver was a stupid idea. Space shuttles glide, tractor trailers drop like bricks."

"Blast Off, now is _not_ the time!" Onslaught growled.

"Of course it is." Blast Off knelt beside Onslaught and began clearing away some of the mud. "What ever possessed you to try such a ridiculous stunt? You'll be lucky if you haven't broken your front axle."

"I was attempting the maneuver in an effort to minimize delay and maximize firepower upon arrival at the battlefield," Onslaught said, huffily. "With practice, I believe I can effectively increase our destructive capabilities by fifty percent or more."

Blast Off stared at Onslaught's cab for a moment, then snorted. "Don't try the double-speak with me, Onslaught," he said. "Unlike the others, I can use words of more than one syllable. You were showing off."

"I was not!" Onslaught paused and when he spoke again, his tone was sulky. "Besides, Swindle can do it."

"Correction: Swindle did it _once. _And, if you've noticed, he's never done it again." Blast Off stood up and sighed. "Really, Onslaught, you don't have to be perfect. I don't need the competition."

Onslaught grunted. "Please, spare me your ego, Blast Off. Just find something to pry me out of this muck and we'll forget this entire experience happened."

"Yes, well, there's a problem with that," Blast Off said. "You're in too deep. I'm not going to be able to pry you out. You're too heavy for me."

"Then use your thrusters to dry the mud and I'll break myself out," Onslaught said, impatiently. "Hurry up!"

"Can't," Blast Off said. "There's a layer of permafrost here. If I start heating up the mud on top, the permafrost will melt and you'll get stuck even deeper into the mud. I'm going to have to call the others."

"No!" Onslaught threw himself toward Blast Off, trying desperately to rock himself free of the sucking mud that held him in place. He screamed in frustrated rage as he remained helplessly, hopelessly stuck.

"Hmm, that should have worked," Blast Off said, speaking with the curious detachment of a scientist reviewing a failed experiment. "You really are stuck."

"So I've noticed!" Onslaught fell silent. "Call Brawl. Only Brawl. There is no reason for Swindle and Vortex to hear of this."

"They'll follow him," Blast Off said. "You know how they are. Tell them to stay behind and they'll arrive before he does.

Onslaught sighed. "Do it," he said. "Make the call. I'll find some way to handle them."

"Indeed," Blast Off said, pausing to speak into his radio. "Brawl, bring the idiots and come to these coordinates. There's been a skirmish and Onslaught is need of your assistance."

"What happened?" Brawl's voice boomed over Blast Off's external speakers. "Onslaught okay?"

"He's slightly damaged," Blast Off said, then paused as if thinking. "We ran into the Protectobots, they took advantage of the situation and merged. I managed to drive Defensor off but not before that bogotified drone smashed Onslaught into the ground. I can't get him out on my own, so you three need to hurry here."

Brawl growled. "We're on our way, then I say we go after those Protectobot geeks!"

Blast Off's optics shone briefly. "That's entirely up to Onslaught, Brawl," he said. "But I think you might find him amenable to the idea."

"Don't care if he's amenable or not! He just has to let us do it!"

"Indeed, Brawl, indeed," Blast Off said. "We await your arrival, Blast Off out."

"You lied," Onslaught said. "Why?"

"Because," Blast Off said, pulling his ionic disruptor and blasting away at a few trees. "As much fun as it would be listening to Swindle and Vortex come up with new and interesting mud-related insults for you, someone has to think about your dignity, Onslaught. And, by extension, the dignity of this team. We've only been free a short while and we need to struggle to regain the ground we lost due to our unfortunate imprisonment. I'll let the other Decepticons think we're vile, conniving, traitorous scum who can't be trusted but I will not let them think that we are fools."

"I see," Onslaught said. "Thank you, Blast Off."

"Yes, yes," Blast Off said, waving his hand as if shooing the thanks away. "Now, remember the story: Defensor swatted you -- no, kicked you, that will make more sense since you're in vehicle mode -- and you ended up stuck here."

"And you bravely drove off Defensor," Onslaught said.

"Of course," Blast Off said. "That's how it works, Onslaught. We can try it the other way around on the unlikely day that I do something stupid. Now, shut up and enjoy your mud bath while I set the scene for our battle."


End file.
